Once again I'm thinking about something I often find myself thinking about. About the fact that everyone's been talking about some big changes. Twenty-twelve and all that stuff. It won't be an apocalypse, but it'll be an immense switch in the collective consciousness. Well, at least I think so.
I'm not so much into conspiracies and theories thereof, so I can't say for sure. I didn't even read that much about it. The most I've done is talked to some friends about it over tea. But that kept me thinking.
Maybe it will be a big change that will, during a longer course of time, change the world as we know it. The same way fire did. The same way industrialization has. Electricity, Internet, whatever.
But then I started thinking about what it will mean to individuals. How will I change?
I'm a quite bitter person, if you haven't noticed. I'm bothered with a lot of stuff and I'll rant about whatever I can. People, naturally, don't like that. Well, some don't, in any case. I reckon people want to let go and unwind for a bit. There's a nice Croatian phrase that pictures it as letting the brain out into the pasture.
I wish I could do that. I wish there was an on-off button. I've always wanted that. Either that or a third arm.
People have told me often that I have to relax. Let it go. There's nothing to do. Chill out.
But what does that mean? Let go of what? Of myself and who I consider myself to be? Won't that make someone else then?
I bet if I was all peachy and grinning, people would think I'm on some experimental stuff. Would that be me? Can you tell someone who's utterly and disgustingly happy all the time to bring it down a notch, get serious and land down to Earth already? How would that make them feel?
So, I'm looking towards the end of the world. Well, my world at least. And what? Am I supposed to forget who I am and just act like I'm someone else, only to make some people feel better? Better about who? About myself or about themselves?
If I want to change the way I act, I must first change the way I think. If I change the way I think, would that be me? Cogito ergo sum comes to mind.
If I change myself for others' sake, am I working on myself or am I doing the exact opposite – working hard on losing myself?