Wednesday, May 13, 2009

one and one is zero.

i found this blog that i must've written like two years ago, so here goes:

well, i think it’s about time i rambled some more bullshit, plus i know some of you love the crap that comes out of my mouth, so here goes…

i’ve been going through this really weird phase that’s kept me awake for so many hours. it’s already almost one and i feel wide awake. maybe i’ll write a book, publish it and become the new j. k. rowling – male, of course.

anyway, after the summer that turned out to be so much better than i could’ve even expected, the time has some when the clouds gather, when it rains a lot and when the public transportation gets crammed with damn school kids. and something in me was persistent in letting me know that i should do something.

so one night i went to bed at eleven, coz i was planning to get some quality sleep – stress on planning. the last time that i looked at the clock it was 05.05 and i was slightly going daft. there’s this point when you just can’t stay awake anymore and you’re just too tired to get up again. there’s no point anyway. so i got up, had a cigarette at the balcony, watched the sunrise and tried some stretching stuff that i used to do in gokarn. it didn’t feel the same, nor did it help, so i kept on with feeling like shit.

i started doing something that i really hate myself for whenever i do it, namely rethinking my life, the things that i’ve done and the dreams i’m trying to follow. the thing is that i pretty much do i in a really bad and unassertive way, almost wanting to whip myself like that albino-da-vinci-code guy. i mean, if i’d known ten years ago what i know now, i would’ve been much better off. well maybe not, who knows – i never think about what would’ve happened. but that still doesn’t stop me from thinking about what i’ve done. hm, i’m kinda losing the point now and it made so much sense in my head. ah well…

anyway, the thing that got me going is my studies, which some of you know pretty much about. at one point i started feeling stuck in some star-trek-alike time-space distortion and i felt trapped by my own life. it’s already been seven years since i’ve started my studies and even though it’s three courses, which makes it a pretty huge bite to take, i felt good coz i chose what i really wanted, or at least what i thought i wanted at that time. but i started neglecting it since i had to work and there just wasn’t a way i could do it both at the same time. believe me, i’ve done it for half a year, going to classes from eight to six, working from seven to three, going some to do translations and then back off to the uni. after coping with drunk people in the streets, sleeping in trams to make it up and disregarding all the sane warnings that my head and body were sending me, i just couldn’t handle it anymore.

it seemed like a good thing to take it easy then, so i only worked six days a week, but i stopped going to lectures and naturally was way behind with my schedule. oh shit, i’m really going too far now.

what i wanted to say is that i’ve quit my job before the summer since i wanted to settle the things with the uni, but in the end i did nothing, coz i was so tired from work and everything that’s just been pressing me down for such a long time.

anyway, i’ve spent the last week at the uni, meeting professors, writing papers and dealing with all those leftovers. i took my grade book and compared it to the study guide to check out what i have to take care of, how many classes and exams i’ve got left and what there is to do. i started to feel real good about myself like every time that i start doing something. i could’ve gone on for ages, but as always, there has to be some out-of-space shit happening to me. my professor lost my 100% accurate exam in german, so now she doesn’t believe me that i took it, one of the professors won’t be around for another month and so on and so forth. i was walking back home swearing out loud, blaming the world, the global warming and the surinamese government coz i just can’t fucking get why that kind of crap happens to me all the time. i just can’t.

anyway, i kept going on, so i wrote a seminar (with an insane theme about ‘the dual past in cartography’ – go figure) and applied for the exam next week, i passed the exam in mid-welsh today and although i think i’ll flunk swedish syntax, it felt fucking great!

anyway, the lessons start next week, so i’ll finally be starting my senior year and getting even closer to the end of this horrible thing called ’studying in croatia’. if the albanese mafia doesn’t take over the continent or some popsicle-shaped aliens rule the earth, i should finish by 2009, which is gonna bring my studying era to nine years and break even the worse university averages. maybe i get an anti-cum laude diploma or something. but there’s gonna be fucking fireworks that day, i’m sure…

anyway, i’ve lost it now – i wanted to write something completely different. anyway, i’ll be off now, maybe i manage to get some sleep. i’m going to an indian barbecue tomorrow, back to uni next week and then the season-opening party, woohoo!

my head is totally blank now, although i know there was a bigger thought right about the time that i started writing this pile of crap. anyway, till the next insanity breach, here’s a little piece of advice: never start studying three courses at the same fucking time!

pop corn and doughnuts!


  1. perhaps this will be better.
    wow, i am so glad you have started up a blog. my life is now complete. every day i shall check online to see what happening in your life. :)
    - a

  2. i stalk you forever.
    - a

  3. anna says it works now. ;)



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