My own hundred

Inspired by otherworldlyone's 100 list, I thought I might share my hundred. I'm not really sure where to start, but it'll probably pick up the pace by itself. Here goes...

1. I'm likely to be one of those people who, as a part of a nine-step program, ring someone up after ten years.

2. I don't believe I'll live that long though. It's not pessimism or self-pity though ― just a gut feeling.

3. I've learned to believe that gut feeling of mine, although my reactions afterwards can sometimes make me a complete bastard.

4. I don't know how to wipe my nose; it just turns into a half-surgery thing until I'm absolutely sure it's alright.

5. I often touch my nose, checking that it's clean or trying to get rid of the itchy feeling caused by my allergies.

6. I am not always completely honest with people. If something I say is going to raise hell or start a five-year chaos, I'm simply not going to say it out loud.

7. I do stick to my grounds though and I'll defend what I believe in.

8. Sometimes I wish people (including me) would spend less time talking about people and what they said and did and more about other stuff.

9. Egocentric people tend to raise my blood pressure instantly. People who compare absolutely everything to their measures and tastes are simply boring.

10. I have an obnoxious laugh which has made me quite memorable during my life. I have never had the privilege of passing unnoticed.

11. I shiver to the sound of my own voice when I hear it on tapes and videos, the radio and alike.

12. I live in a creative mess. If there's nothing moving around, it needn't be cleaned. (When I have someone coming over though, it's so clean that I get asked how I manage to keep it that way.)

13. I dance when I listen to music, be it my home, the streetlight or a queue in the market. I might get some weird looks, but I get almost as many nod-in-understanding corner-of-the-mouth smiles (if I even notice in my state of trance).

14. I've grown to think that the most important people in my life give me the least respect and trust me the least. And then I think I must be a lousy person.

15. I can have really bad days, with nothing wrong really happening. On those occasions, led by my gut feeling, I just tend to crawl back into bed and wait for midnight. And if I'm not allowed that luxury, I just keep quiet and hope others will too. It's safer.

16. I enjoy a nice company, but I couldn't go on without my alone time. Sometimes I feel much more lonely being around people than on my own. On the other hand, I don't know what I'd do without my friends.

17. I have a really short fuse. That annoys me and at those times I tend to be quite rash. That pisses others off and I usually just leave the scene until I cool off. It's better for everyone.

18. Sometimes the people who I spend a very short period of time with talk to me the nicest and the most honest. I'm not sure if they see me as I am, see me as I would like to be or they're just plain wrong.

19. I worry too much. I've been diagnosed with about-to-be gastritis at the age of eight and I've been getting grey hairs since I was 20. Quiet moments of not worrying, pondering upon things and processing everything imaginable in my head are extremely rare.

20. Lots of people will just call it nervous, edgy or asshole though. I've been described as (and called) garrulous.

21. I think there's a big difference between honesty and a big mouth. I've had problems with both, but am even more annoyed by the latter.

22. I once made a cake with washing powder instead of flour.

23. I broke my arm trying to impress a girl.

24. I am completely frozen when I enter a room and have no idea how to act, even if I'm surrounded by people I've met.
(I just wrote number 24 three times in a row.)

25. I hate suits. The whole thing just makes me feel so cramped.

26. I love coffee, but I'd rather pass than drink a dodgy one (like filter or Starbucks or whatever).

27. There are days when I live on cookies and there are those when I make lunch three times.

28. Twenty-eight is how old I am. And I haven't done much with my life yet.

29. A lot of people will tell you I'm lazy and spoilt. I'm not happy with it, but I don't disagree.

30. I've met some of my dearest friends over the Net.

31. I'm quite unhappy with my life here and I'm planning to move away.

32. I can barely watch a movie since working in a cinema multiplex.

33. I get allergies that come and go, some of those being green beans, cockroaches and horse hair. When I was younger I ended up in a hospital for over ten days, so you'll probably never see me eating green beans.

34. I used to despise onions and olives, but I'll very probably use them if I cook.

35. I can say I don't like green hats in at least ten languages.

36. One of my biggest wishes ever is to be fluent in Icelandic (and a couple more languages).

37. An online quiz said that I'll probably die abroad, travelling. Now, I don't believe in quizzes and I still hope I'll manage to do tons of travelling in the future. On another note, I'd rather go like that then being ran over by a truck in front of my house.

38. I'm a spelling and grammar nazi. I just can't get people who speak (their mother tongue) and write wrong. And it's usually the people who mind it the most are the people who are other kinds of nazis (look under 9).

39. I don't like extremely hot and extremely cold weather. Living in a place where it goes from -15 to 35+, I don't consider myself very lucky.

40. I'd like to live in a wooden house, in a forest, by the lake. I'd probably be scared shitless with all this paranoia of mine, but what the hell...

41. I miss the people who don't talk to me anymore way more than they can imagine. I often want to give them a buzz, but luckily (or not) I don't.

42. I dress and undress in a specific order. Obsessive-compulsive pops into mind, although I've been told by doctors that I'm okay.

43. I have issues with colours. Deuteranopia makes me a rather lousy and annoyed collocutor.

44. Sometimes I'm missing words and need to consult a dictionary. That's exactly why I wish I was better in English (and other languages).

45. The image of the miserable me if too often unrecognizable to others, who then usually think I'm all about drama (and there would be no one luckier than me if everything was to be peachy).

46. I've never been in a physical fight. I've been uppercut by my best mate in high school though.

47. I don't think anybody really knows me. It's got nothing to do with self-pity and probably not much to do with sharing sensible information either. Not that standing in front of someone spilling your whole life out in entries would solve it, but I still feel like no one knows me. People would probably claim differently if you asked them, but then I think about whether they ask themselves the same question.

48. I don't dance. Not at weddings and such. I just feel like I'm on Celebrity Deathmatch. If you see me on a party though, it's a completely different pair of shoes.

49. I've always wanted to go see a shrink. (Some of the westerner readers might be surprised, but we haven't had much of that here - not as much as you see in American media anyway.) I've always thought about sharing my thoughts and problems with a complete stranger, who'd just say something like It's completely fine; you can work it out by doing this, this and this.

50. I embrace shitty moments rather than ignore them. Welcome, depression and pessimism...

51. I white-lie to my parents from time to time. I do that for the peace between us. My mum doesn't believe me when I tell her that.

52. On the day my older brother was getting married, my father (all in tears of pride and loss) declared that his only son is getting married. That was probably the crappiest moment in my life and I'm quite sure he still has no clue about it.

53. Although pretty much everyone thinks we're a big happy family, I have a really lousy relationship with my parents. I know I'll be very much sorry for not working on it more, but I can't seem to work it out. My reality-ignoring family will just call me garrulous again and suppress-and-ignore it.

54. I tend to lose my best friends because of some pointless fuck-ups. I usually never get to know what had happened and will probably still be thinking about it on my dying bed.

55. Sometimes I wish I lived in a sound-proof flat. A house by a lake would work too.

56. I haven't had the chance to sing as loud as I could yet.

57. I never got a rejection letter for a scholarship that I'd applied for. As I found out later, my professor hasn't even mailed it due to personal preference ― only one candidate had been suggested. (I never took the last exam with that professor and still don't have a degree in that.) This and many more (and much worse) examples just remind me of how much injustice pisses me off.

58. My Croatian professor in high school flunked me in my final exam. I had applied to a university abroad, but it didn't happen in the end due to the flunking.

59. I have (had) a feeling Fight Club was written about my life. I'm just waiting to start living it. Whenever I travel, that's the only book I take with me.

60. I used to adore Alanis Morissette, having her posters and shit all around me room. High school was a really shitty period for me, but I still think she's dome some seriously good stuff and I listen to her music from time to time.

61. I used to get into verbal fights with my high school librarian. She was simply a cow.

62. When I see people who've broken my heart, I'm still so glad to see them that I find myself stuck with a grin on my face. I'm a moron.

63. I once got so drunk I vomited all over the my room up to a meter above my bed. That time my mate and me almost froze to death sleeping in the snow during the night. I was indeed happy to be alive and awake, but then I saw the wall. Mum blamed it on some made-up sausages and never mentioned it again.

64. I once switched focus and saw the sky as a wallpaper glued on to a giant see-through dome. I'm still not sure I believe what the science tells us.

65. I love flying and especially take-offs ― the feeling when you get off the ground is just mind blowing.

66. I've been told I'm a fantastic person by complete strangers. I've also been told I'm a complete ass by non-strangers.

67. I used to have blond hair up until I was three or so.

68. Last time I counted all my nicknames (and that was around 1998), there were 115 on the list. I reckon there's be more to add to it.

69. People used to take my being okay with everyone both as a quality and a flaw. Now everyone pisses me off.

70. I have a tendency of overreacting when it comes to something that annoys me, even if it's about my best mates or people the closest to me.

71. I reeeally can't sit around people who chew with their mouth open, which turns the Sunday lunch into an excruciating hour.

72. If someone tells me something in confidence, it stays with me.

73. I have my father's eyes and it's driving me crazy. All the things that I got from my mother are the ones that drive her crazy. And then she drives me crazy.

74. I talk about India too often. I just felt so good there that I can't let it go. I've had some nice times and I've had some not so nice ones, but I simply can't wait to go back there.

75. I gave up on going after my retirement. I've busted my ass off during university ― although it was fun, I was so overstrained that the only sleep I would catch was in public transportation.

76. People ask me why I don't apply for Whichever-Country's Idol. I think that would be my very last option.

77. Most of my embarrassing moments involve alcohol. I still firmly believe I can tell when I have to stop though.

78. I got so mad once that I smashed a whole butter package against the table. I spent the next half an hour cleaning it up and cooling down.

79. I had a pig when I was little. I'm quite sure they made me eat it as well.

80. The most beautiful book I ever read breaks my heart every single time I read it.

81. I think a broken heart lasts a lifetime. You can see the people, chat to them and look at their photos and it's all fine. But somewhere deep inside the void is still gaping.

82. People think I speak tons of languages, but I don't really speak that many. The fact that I can say liver in Lithuanian, Sanskrit and Old Greek isn't really going to help me in life much.

83. There's some stuff I'd like to write on here (look under 49), but I won't.

84. I'm terrified of funerals more than I'm afraid of dying myself. I feel like an old man sitting on the porch and leafing through obituaries.

85. I'm starting to cope with the fact that I will most probably never get my wishes fulfilled.

86. When a friend of mine told me she'd really like to see me less miserable and happy in my life, I started realizing that on the outside it must look even worse than it is. I'm still miserable and I rant all the time, but I'm trying...

87. I wish I'd moved out when I was eighteen. I would've had much less grey hair now.

88. The stupidest thing I've ever done would probably be hitting a guy that trained boxing. I was also lucky enough not to end up in trauma.

89. I used to hide from my class mates when I started smoking because I was too embarrassed of how good it felt.

90. I swallow a lot of air and burp abnormally. I've managed to burp both the longest word in Croatian and French and am still working on antidisestablishmentarianism.

91. If someone told me I can travel to any desired location for free, I'd surely struggle to pick it out.

92. I have enormous prejudice against certain nations. I suck, I know.

93. I planned to get married for a passport, but she's getting married next April. Not to me.

94. Having to come back from India (there I go again) was probably one of the hardest things ever. *shivers*

95. Although I'm a terrible student who never really got the hang of how to actually do some serious studying, I still daydream about being a world-known scientist.

96. I never thought I'd even get to number 96. There was a blank moment around number 35.

97. I'm meticulous about my computer ― every icon on the Desktop is in its place. It doesn't amaze me that I have so many problems with computers that even my geek friends find them unbelievable.

98. I hate Murphy and his laws. And Freud.

99. There's not much that beats camping and partying with mates, staring at the bright stars from my hammock and walking back home through a thick forest in complete silence.

100. I do side-way flips in my hammock.

Now I'm on a roll here and the more I write, the more details about myself surface up. The things that I should change, things that I could do... I could go up to 130 at least. But I won't.