That cockamamie feeling inside

Sometimes I hate myself for the feelings I'm experiencing.

Jealously is definitely the first one on the list. It annoys the hell out of me.

It comes from the back, stabs you between the shoulderblades, bangs the dagger with its clenched fists until it comes out through your chest with your spine, heart, lung and pride dripping from its blade.

Such a useless emotion, and yet it wrecks my inner peace (or however little of it I have) and makes me restless.

It's based on surreal inner monologues and scenes that only a disturbed mind can come up with. Don't get me wrong - it might all be true. But, so what?!

It's not going to change anything, and it's definitely not going to make anyone feel better.

It makes me think how I want to be a better person and not dislike more people.
It makes me want to be nicer to people, especially the ones that annoy the hell out of me.
It makes me try to do the best I can, even when I don't feel like I can actually do it.

These are all ideas, but I guess one has to make something positive out of the negative.

It still just pisses me off. Turn it off!